true blood

i love this show. i’m trying to pin point what it is that makes me want to tune in at 9 every sunday. not wanting to wait to watch it on dvr. is that the vampire bill reminds me of an old lover. his pale skin, and red lips. his just right, not too muscular build. oh so yummy. or is it sam merlotte the shape shifting bar owner who’s not too hard on the eyes. what i think it really is, is the love story between sookie and bill. the intense passion that you can feel when they are together. lordy, lordy how that would be nice to experience. not necessarily the biting and drawing blood part. heh. but a little nibble will do. ok, i’ll stop with that.

i won’t go into analyzing it like i could, reaching back into the days of college when i had to write numerous papers and draw ludicrous comparisons to society and such. i just like the feel of it. it mixes the ridiculous with a feeling of reality. i would compare it to twin peeks in some ways. 

tonight the funniest line was uttered. sookie in a heated argument with sam expels ”i’ve got a strangler trying to kill me, a shape-shifter and a vampire on my plate, i can’t handle anything else”.

next week is the final hour. i am sad that this season is going to end so soon. it looks intense. i can’t wait.

it’s been a long time…….

i know… i know. i have made many attempts at writing something but just felt that maybe what i had to talk about was too much to share at the moment.

so i have 2 things on my mind. 1. deserving. learning that i deserve more than i am allowing myself to have. 2. OMG!!! A blast from the past……..

ok, so i don’t feel like being super reflective, so i am going to go with OMG!!!!!! he’ll probably see this, but oh well. i am really happy that a lover from my past has found me. good ol’ facebook, gotta love it. i have looked for him many times in different places, but never could find him. he is the one that shaped my sexual self. he was the one that i have continued to think about even while with other man. he was an incredible influence, and BAM there he is. it’s probably not good to reveal so much, because it gives him so much power over me, but i’m not going to hold back. i held back about my feelings way back when and i fully regret never saying what i was thinking, all because i was afraid of pushing him away. he went away anyway. i was so inexperienced when it came to communication back then. i didn’t know how to deal with what i was feeling. i still struggle with communication and accepting my emotions today, as you all witness from my writing.

so the real thing to freak out about is that i may get to see him.  i’m looking forward to seeing him again, but of course all my insecurities are extremely heightened at the moment.

the past 10 months have been a whirlwind of chaos for me mentally. this is one of those things that i never had closure on. and i’m so glad to find out that i was still in his thoughts.

so there it is!

i’m tuckered….nite……

shock and ahhhh or is it awe?

ok so you will be shocked to know that not only did i NOTknow that JOHN MAYER was going to be in concert in december, but that i missed the fan club presale, and i did not by tickets. what’s wrong with me?i’ve become a terrible fan. :( 

i think i have too many other things going on to even want to go. changes are coming. and this is just one of the small things i am encountering.

AIDS Walk 2008

I did it! i done didly did the walk. but it would not have happened if it weren’t for OREN and his commitment to the cause the past 11 years. i am so proud to be his friend. he is one of the most caring and compassionate people i’ve ever met. and to top it all off my dear friend Peter helped make the day even more enjoyable. the walk was almost painless because i was with them. although i did not collect money for the cause i am glad that for the first time in my life i participated in such an event. Go Team Oren!!!!

i want to………

……. scream at the top of lungs. i want to cry until i can’t feel anymore. i want to be loved without restrictions. i want to be hugged with commitment. i want to be kissed passionately. i want to be the one that someone can’t live without. i want to eat without gaining weight. i want to love working out. i want to help my friends when they are hurting. i want to laugh heartily. i want to make my friends laugh. i want to see peace in my lifetime. i want to sing once again. i want to be creative again. i want to learn more. i want to dance more. i want to act again. i want to not judge others. i want to flirt. i want to travel. i want to live freely without any hang ups. i want……….. i want to ……. i want……. to be me again!

old people

well not many people know this about me, but i used to love old people. old people were my peeps back in the day. you see when i was a kid growing up in san diego, there were no kids on my street. absolutely no kids till 5th grade. the only people that lived on my street were elderly people. ok i sort of take that back, there was one girl that lived a block away, but we didn’t always play together till later……….

on either sides of my house were frank & his wife in the brick house on one side and Wynona in the green house on the other side. i used to help frank & his wife garden. they were a sweet old couple, i remember crying when frank died, i think he was the first i had ever known to die.  Wynona and I played cards in the green house. she lived alone. on many occasions i would be found at her house playing batman & robin or spades, games that i have no idea how to play now. we had a lot of fun, and she really enjoyed my company. mom would have to come and get me on many occasions for dinner, because we would play for hours and hours.

across the street was avon, yes her name was avon. she kind of scared me, and i have no idea why. she would never let me in her house, but she always supported my entrepreneurial attempts. she always bought candy from me for “blue birds” and she would also buy rocks from me for pennies and nickels. yes i know you’re asking yourself, “did she say rocks”? yes, yes i did. i would collect rocks and then go door to door selling them to the neighbors. who knew i had such made sales skills at such an early age :)

then there were the sessions. a really neat old married couple who lived in the white house that straddled 2 streets. i spent many hours in their house. on the front porch they had a collection of conch shells that i would pick up and listen to the ocean and every so often i would tell the sessions a story told to me through the shell. i couldn’t begin to tell you what the stories were, but they were really nice to let me hang out with them. oh then there was the back porch. this is where i performed for them on their green painted concrete. i sang and tap danced for them. i also made up plays to perform for them.  

i think in some ways i had better relationships with the elderly people in my neighborhood, than i had with my own grandparents, but that’s a story for another day.

my feelings for old folk changed after 8 years of working at a theatre that was infested my rich, mean and nasty old people. i lost the endearing feeling i once had for them during these years. all of the people at this theatre were hateful, miserable and felt they were owed everything on a silver platter and if they didn’t get it they would complain repeatedly. it became too much and i wasn’t able to shake my feelings for them. i grew increasingly irritated by them. it was hard to overcome.

it isn’t until just recently that i remembered how i once felt about my elderly neighbors. an elderly couple came to have something framed at my gallery. they were the sweetest people i’d met in a very long time. they brought back those endearing feelings i once had. i had a genuine happiness being around them. one could only hope to be like them when they’re in their 70’s or older.

My hope is that i do not become a bitter old person, that i can be one of those old ladies, that can offer a warm heart and be cool to be around. And if at all possible have a little old man who’s just as cool by her side.

progress

everyday i feel every ounce pain of there is progress. everyday i acknowledge my faults there is progress. everyday i am open to change there is progress. everyday i overcome my fears there is progress.

everyday i am taking baby steps towards healing and this is progress.

what measures progress? it is the ability to be free from living in the denial i once was in. allowing myself to feel is allowing myself to learn and grow and to make the changes i need to move on.

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
Bruce Barton

Hello Dolly!

9 to 5 is a GREAT Musical. From start to finish I was enthralled. I feel so honored to be able to see this musical before it heads to Broadway. Having grown up with Dolly Parton, Yes I’ve even been to Dollywood,  I might be a little biased about my take on the show, but leaving that behind, this was incredibly well done.

To begin with the stage was amazing. The movement of all the settings could have been a great disaster, but they seemed to work out the kinks that I had heard so much about from previous performances. The mechanics and choreography behind this were immense. The show maintained the same feel and time frame as the movie. The performances were stellar. Allsion Janney took on Violet (the Lily Tomlin role) with ease and has great comic timing. Her voice was definitely not what you might think it should be, but if this was a conscious decision I totally get it. It might make sense to make this role available to any comedic actress that may not be the greatest singer, because along with the the other singers she sounded fine, just not very strong. Now I have not heard of the other actresses in this musical, but I am really glad I have now. Stephanie Block portrayed Judy (the Jane Fonda role) with the same sort of naivete. Her performance was sweet and yet as she grows, so does her voice and this girl can blow. And then there was Megan Hilty as Daralee (the Dolly Parton role) and let me tell you, this girl does an excellent job at imitation. There were moments that I thought it was Dolly on the stage, her intonations and twang were so true to life. Her vocals were brilliant. I loved the song “Backwoods Barbie” which apparently is on Dolly’s latest album of the same name.  Now I would probably stop here but I have to talk about Kathy Fitzgerald. Kathy Fitzgerald plays Roz, Franklin Hart Jr.’s (the evil boss/Dabney Coleman) assistant. She practically steals the show with a song called “Heart to Hart”, and a funny flirtatious moment where she prances across the stage and her very large (old lady) boobs bounce along with her. Omg, I probably laughed more than one should have.

If you wonder how they are able to do the dream sequences, it is amazing! It is absolutely hystrerical to see Allsion Janey in a Snow White dress……. I would say the only complaint I had at all about the show is that the intermission came very late in the game and left you wondering if there was going to be one, because it could have come 2 or 3 songs before it did. 

I have always known the Dolly Parton is an amazing entertainer, singer and songwriter. The fact that she composed and wrote the lyrics for this put the cherry on top of her career. I envy her ability to be able to write lyrics so freely and be so successful at it.

I would really like to recommend this show to everyone. The show doesn’t have a very long run, but I think it’s worth catching. It ends here on October 19th……. and then it is supposed to be going to Broadway. I don’t know all of the specifics on this but I am attaching a link to the website if you are interested.

    http://www.centertheatregroup.org/tickets/productiondetail.aspx?id=4910

I hope y’all get a chance to see it……..

hello fall season!

it’s that time boys and girls when all the tv shows come back to town. thank god i got a dvr….. how did i live without it all this time. seriously, just last season i was recording things still on a vcr….. now i have so many things recording i don’t know if i’m going to have time to watch everything.

so what am i watching i…….. glad you asked……. where should i start?

let’s start with the returning shows……..  (these are not in order of preference)  chuck, gossip girl, the closer, one tree hill, samantha who, greek, house, without a trace, pushing daisies, private practice, lipstick jungle, dirty sexy money, ugly betty, grey’s anatomy, er, ghost whisperer, amazing race, brothers and sisters, enourage amd starter wife.

New shows i’m looking forward to or have started to watch…….. 90210, the fringe, gary unmarried, life on mars, the ex list, true blood, the mentalist and privileged.

i think this covers it. there are shows that will be returning in january….. we’ll see if i tune in. there maybe shows missing from the list, oh well…… i have no idea how i’m going to keep up with everything, but i will try my darnedest. some of my choices are shows i cannot miss, but then there are the ones that i can easily miss and catch up later or never….which could very well be the case.

i don’t know if anyone is actually watching any of the shows i seem to be drawn to…. but hopefully my taste isn’t too silly. i realize i seem to watch a lot of those teen oriented shows, i guess i’m trying to hold on to my youth. they aren’t necessarily the best written shows, but i like watching them because my life was nothing like there’s in high school. i am more of a fan of the hour show. whatever the genre. this is the first year that i am actually excited about watching gary unmarried, a half hour comedy.

cross your fingers for me that i can keep up…….

a’holes in porsche’s

what is it about the men who think they are hot shit in their sportscars? is it truly an extension of their manhood? today i witnessed a guy in his porsche reving his engine and having to speed to the next stop light. i don’t know what he was trying to prove, the only thing that came to my mind was he really must need some serious attention. i know not all men who drive sportscars are like this, but it is those who act like this that create the stereotype that sticks with me.

then there’s the men who drive the monster trucks/suv’s…..is this an extension of their lack of manhood. i’ve heard it said on numerous occasions that these men drive these trucks because the have small tools. i have never tested this theory so i don’t know if it’s true or not, but i am apt to believe this as a truth.

i know i usually see a lot of gray in everything and accept people for whatever it is that floats their boat, but this is something that i cannot grasp. i lack tolerance when someone is doing something that can ultimately hurt someone else in the mix. the act of driving carelessly among other people, because they think they are soooo cool in the car is just plain ignorance.

if i am wrong i am absolutely willing to listen and learn, but until then i will continue to find these men egotistical butt heads.

Lori